Stephanie
The thought pervades
and we've said our words
but maybe we were just speaking
from our hate
From our tired eyes and
those worn lines on our faces
Never your fault,
no, nor never mine
But everyone else would have it

Stephanie
I have a new theory
that those lines we sat on
for support
as we kissed and spoke,
hugged and cried
Twisted beneath,
as we above
Until the enamel wore away.
And now I'm falling,
the thought pervades

Stephanie
I'll go my own way,
and you yours -
Back into that world distracted
of cherry lips and such a
sweet, sweet voice
And I into my own
little flavors of oddness
to huddle
and heal
Until I can be sure that what I say
is what I feel
unfettered by clouds
of pain, regret, loss
And -
Stephanie -
I'll look at your face again
But until then,
the thought pervades

Hello, my name is decadence
the rupture and the fall
I am the fault lines of a mind
too belabored under the contradictions
of life.
I am the poison to structure -
the bane of diet
The spoiled fruit,
rotting on your kitchen table
Most important - I am the dripping
mortar between the bricks.
Hello, my name is beauty
and I am without definition

But we all look the same de-robed
and whether we wake,
      and choose white garment
      or red;
      halo or wicked horn
Our trials are lost
in depth
Day by day,
for the choice rests on nothing
but our humors that moment
And each and every risen sun,
casts the cloth a different tone

While walking to the convenience store

I spied the loveliest creature
 

Her scarlet cheek, that blushing peak

and I knew I had to reach her
 

Stunned I was, for a moment in time

that seemed so long to pass

But when the mist my mind dismissed

I chased my crimson lass
 

Into the crowd we fled awry

and both we became unknown
 

The sun a-glare off her golden hair

chased, my fancy sown
 

It seemed to me she sung a tune

that drifted on the air

Telling tales of slipping pales;

lighting my lady fair
 

And yet –
 

When she turned to see me there

a-standing starry-eyed
 

Not a shade of bliss betrayed –

her heart would not abide
 

Laughter rang throughout the crowd

It stung and buzzed my ears:

“Never such a man could touch

even this woman’s tears!”
 

So fled I did, I ran away

away from all their hate
 

To my room for solace bloom

but languish would not sate
 

I paced and paced before the screen

until an advert flashed

Selling model in a bottle

for a single paycheck cashed
 

And so it came
 

I rubbed the creams into my face

I ground and mashed it in
 

So as I cried, my spirit died

let the beauty begin!
 

I slept a night to take effect

awoke a red-wash dawn

With vigor I flew to streets anew

a life of reticence gone
 

Around and about, faces the same

identical masks of joy
 

They sucked me in and chewed me thin

no longer the same old boy
 

But as all things have got to dim

regardless of their shine

For the clearer, I spun the mirror

looked at this face of mine –
 

It sloughed away
 

My skin, it ripped like shards of grain

to pool up at my feet

               I gazed underneath my human sheath
               beauty - my defeat
 

A lizard stared into my eyes

and me into my own
                My throat struck dry, I turned and I

saw that I wasn’t alone
 

A sea of writhing emerald scales

pampering in the sun
 

And of them all, my lady droll –

the single ugliest one
 

This horror almost snatched me up

but for my fancy far

To dispel the dread I shook my head

and bought my Snickers bar

Missmissmissmissmissmissmissmissmiss. To the hundredth degree. I feel sort of lost, like I'm never one hundred percent certain of what I should do at any given time. =(

Went to Panera again, and got the first chapter all written out. And I'm proud of myself.

Colby's going on vacation for a week, and I need to figure out a place to stay. Probably my mom's. I could go with him, but then I wouldn't see Stephanie for another week after this one, and that is unacceptable.

Arthur is hounding me a lot about DnD.

And that is all I have to say. My brain is working in odd clips and jolts this morning. I need some sleep.